Devotion to Evolution, Devotion to the Self

It was clear to me, many years ago that there was some deep understanding that I was missing. I could FEEL it, but it was as if it eluded me.

My heart cried out in agony of separation. It got to the point where I knew that I had to remove the separation, and that this was going to have to be a realization of what was already there. For me, that meant deconstructing all of my old programs, beliefs, assumptions, etc. and in a rapid, but often highly uncomfortable process of "unseeing what was not" (a phrase I've heard that resonates deeply).

After countless experiences of highs, lows, ups, downs, doubts, acceptances, and intense desires, there was enough acceptance of What Is for me to see that that experience of Divinity, of the Self, was nothing other than MYself. Unfortunately, it was extremely unclear to me how that related to everything else, especially on the very surface of life, where I had viewed things as static, and could not figure out how the surface could be the Self. That seems kind of funny now, but it was right at the time.

Looking back I feel very deeply that, despite all of my doubts, fears, concerns, and being very hard on myself. I was right. I was doing the right thing on the right track, and the intensity of feeling really was because I was truly burning off the old karma, accepting things I considered horrible experiences so that I could see the truth: that they do not limit me.

After realizing "the" Self to be " my" Self. The desperation ended. There was a trust in the path, despite the feeling that I must go FURTHER, FURTHER. And that I WASN'T THERE YET!

I fully understood that there was "no place to be," but I also knew that it was "as if" there was a place to be, because true acceptance is a deconstructing process so that there is enough surrender to see what is so plain that we all (as a society) miss it completely.

It is interesting because it felt like it wasn't the seeker that became Enlightened. It was the Self, the Creator, Maintainer, Destroyer, and Fabric of all Existence (all ways of referring to the same "Thing") that woke up, except it was already awake. It really has nothing to do with me as an individual. Actually it does, but only in the sense that me as an individual is an important part of me as a whole, just like everything else is! There was simply a complete shift in perspective; a complete shift in reference point.

I realize that this experience needs time to integrate and become more mature. In some ways I'm not there yet, but truly there is no going back and the ripening process is so wonderful that there is no more concern.

I get to spend time discovering that every detail of creation is still another part of me in a very specific sense, and I get to appreciate all of that which I already specifically realize to be me as well as the whole show. There is glorious relaxation and victory at every corner and turn.

Strangely, (and also completely not strangely), the experience so normal and natural. It could not stay if it was not, although this is a principle I was very familiar with. If it's not normal/natural, it's not integrated, and so not real. This is very real. Almost mundane, despite the joy of it. There is no going back. It's so obvious and I cannot unsee it.

Also strangely, I still have a very deep desire to move forward, and I find that this desire is all that is really needed to determine the pace (not that I have a choice about how much I desire to move forward though, so ultimately the choice isn't one myself as an individual makes). Thus, I am sincerely devoted to evolution now, moving forward. It's just that there's nothing here now I don't want. Wanting more is just as important as wanting this. As of right now, they are perceived to be, and can only be, the same thing. There IS only oneness, and I love every second of it and simultaneously am ecstatic about the details growing clearer. I am exciting about this experience becoming concrete, even "no big deal" so that I can have even higher levels of realization and detail to be excited about.

In other words, I have exited the confines of the ideas of time and space, only wish to jump right back in, with this new understanding and live it with the joy of knowing the truth.

Always perfect contentment now, always something new and fun to be excited about and eventually Know THAT so completely that it too becomes mundane. And then the cycle repeats. Upward spiral.

I've been wanting and waiting for this a really long time, because the truth is, I could not have gotten Enlightened sooner. It wasn't my time before (not that time is real, but it must be treated as such to describe this). There were experiences I needed to have first, and even ignorance has great value. Not that I would trade this for anything.
As if I even had the option.

I know I just said a lot here, and would be more than happy to describe any part in detail to clarify, explain, or whatever. Also interested in comments that may be helpful to integrate. Thanks.

Thank you for your kind words. Hearing your confirmation brings me indescribable gratitude. As you said earlier, the process of settling in has begun and is in full thrust, and it feels wonderful.

Thank you for your sweet apprecation of my writing style, yours is indescribably heartwarming and clear as well and I deeply appreciate the time you take to respond to my posts. I would love nothing more than to keep sharing experiences, insights, and ways of talking about the same Truth. I do feel like there is a lot more we could share with each other.

As you have so eloquently said, I came from the opposite side. Hearing your description of God and your relationship to Her or Him was so intensely beautiful that I could not help but tear up with gratitude and heart explosion. What a wonderful path!

I also particularly liked your vision of Creation, with the Creation/Self/God relationship. I also had a vision or sorts, which I think perhaps you'll appreciate. It was as if I rose above my individual self to a vantage point that could be none other than God, but it was me fully as well. In fact, it seems to contain all aspects of God, as this is beyond All, which is how it can contain All.

Everything that this "container-with-no-boundaries-at-all" "contained" (not that it limited it, because it was made itself of unlimited-ness)
was a rippling, shimmering pool of light, will little particles in it that were made of even brighter light, and these particles flowed, moving, within all of the gross and subtle relative existence, because that existence was made up fully of these waves and particles of light, (the particles having slightly more density and luminosity than the waves that it all was floating within).

And God and I were the Light, simultaneously in every location pervading everything. It was interesting how the "container" seemed to come from the top, which is the reverse of how I had always previously imagined it.

That vision is still basically my experience on one level, there is so much richness on other levels and experiencing it and looking at it other ways.

I was thinking alot about your marriage description and liked how it fit so well on so many levels. 1.) The first part really is honey-moon-esque, then seems to move in the direction of stabilizinginto something more "normal" but with more love, appreciation, and connection, just like a traditional idea of marriage and 2.) it describes Enlightenment in terms of a Relationship, because relationships are what makes the whole thing blissful. Oneness is joyful because there is the perception of otherness to unify with and share with. That relationship/those relationships is/are so important. Each of those points deeply resonates with me and perfectly describes my experience so far.

Sorry if this post is long, and thank you again so much for sharing your wisdom and your Divine Kindness. Your Inner Divinity radiates from your being so brightly and and clearly, speaking even behing your eloquent words.

Thank you for your kind words. I have lately been discovering that the "process of letting go resistance" is, itself, unwinding. This is because, as you said, all I really can do now is relax into it. Getting your perspective is very helpful, but there really is no ego anymore. There are just concepts, that have been resisted for a very long time becoming unresisted, and my attention is naturally being brought to them. I thought earlier that I had the choice of bringing my attention there (because there really was that perception before my perspective shift), but it's no longer needed, and so that concept is letting itself go. This is how the relaxation happens. It would seem for everyone, but at least for me. I am fortunate to be very aware of this process while it is going on. It is a desire I had coming into this lifetime, and it's nice to have it. I think it will be very useful for the reasons I am here.

The unwinding is not done, but it is continuing, and I will enjoy more and more the Understanding as the concepts slip away. Your descriptions have helped a lot, and I hope will continue so that they can keep helping a lot.

Again, you have my deepest gratitude, dear Sarveswara.

I am Everything. And so are You. We Are.

My Dear Light Mystic, it pleases me so much giving me joy to know that you are freeing yourself from the constraints of resistance, which is in truth control; when you go down to the source of everything it is all about accepting the 'now' and 'what is', full stop!

Acceptance of course is letting go, letting go of what? Not the situation, nor the problem, nor anything else associated with the letting go moment, no it is indeed letting go of control/ego that which has trapped the mind into thinking it has control over anything that is happening.

It tricks the mind also into believing it can make the future fit with its own needs, and it will try to do so, but it will always fail, and come undone in the end.

God-self is stronger, and will always protect the soul from the constraints of ego in the end, that is the process of the spiritual journey. You will always go forward 2 steps and ego will pull you back 1 step, and so on it goes. But the outcome is that you will slowly move forward to the goal, it is not possible not to reach the destination.

I feel the gratitude you express, and I take my share of love from that gratitude, as I know that it is full and directed to ALL THAT IS, God in ITS entirety. I realise I am a part of the entirety, but remember my dear one; it is always my honour to be of service to you and all others, that is my purpose for being. It is my honour because without you, and the others God sends in my NOW, I can not fulfill my purpose, In that sense I need you and the others, to come and collect the service that God has me being, that is why I trust in God knowing He will always send my what I need in my every given moment, including those that will allow my purpose of being to be.

Thank YOU my loved one for sharing your journey with me and our OM family, and indeed sharing the LOVE.