My faith (?) seems to get lost

Nowadays it seems more and more hard to keep standing in this material world. All the spiritual experiences that i had since 2004, don't seem to have effect on me anymore or maybe a little. It's like the magic has gotten lost.Whatever great feelings i felt earlier, it didn't seem to come out in a practical way. Maybe i had a taste of what people call heaven, that took place in another world, away from materialism and lasted temporary. After my inner change in April 2004, there were such days that i had such a feeling that i may not be able to describe in any way. I just knew i had to go to India. But as time passed by with its happenings and looking within and seeïng what affects me so greatly, these feelings were getting lost. Now maybe someone needs to take a hammer and hit it on my head to turn my mind upside down and remember me that the ways of Sai Baba, the creator, are always nothing less than perfect. It's so difficult to be totally convinced of that.
Akindra may already took her part in it without her knowledge. In the chatbox she left a message, mentioning "Nan Tien" and a buddhist temple. Some later she mentioned that she has been there and that it was her husband's birthday, the day that she came again in the chatbox. The moment when i was reading it, i could see, despite the time difference that that birthdate must be 28-1, but asked to know it for sure. She confirmed it. To explain this better: in the last years i have come to know that i would have an Indian partner (not knowing a specific time for that). I even got strong indications about his birthdate and later, after i found out who it is in physical form, i became to know that his name is Siddartha (not sure if it's totally correctly spelled). I also came to know that the original name of Buddha is Siddhartha, which could explain a part of what Akindra mentioned (i also remember seeïng that name in the chatbox earlier). The birthdate that i got is 28-11-1983. In "Nan Tien" i see almost "Na Tien" in Dutch, which means "After Ten" in English. Well, after 10, comes 11. Then her husband's birthday is 28-1. Some time back, in 2004, this date took part in seeïng the date 28-11, because of number 11. This number 11 had come in a dream years ago and the birthdate of the person who was involved in that dream, was 28-1. Maybe one day i tell the full version about this.
Akindra's "Nan Tien" also remembered me of something else. On another forum in 2005, i started a topic about Sai-Baba-dreams and in someone's response there was a spelling mistake and i was wondering what "natien" was meaning, as it was not written correctly. Then i saw something else in it: "na tien"(after ten).

By the way, i have seen some of Akindra's recent chatmessages have been deleted when i tried to check again.

Hi Olga.

Yes, Sarveswara or I delete the old chat messages after a long chat or after a few days unless they should stay there for someone to see.

I can empathise with your feelings getting lost. This has happened to me many times with different things I've been involved with - especially things that have alot of magic feelings when you first find them. After a while, it just loses the magic. I have been very strict about not getting too excited about the magic feelings this time around, knowing that they will go. Things are still magic, but a different sort of feeling. If you know what I mean. I've made my spiritual journey this time more of a lifestyle change in general.

Wow - that is really interesting how you've found messages in the numbers etc. So have you actually met the partner?

This year is an 11 year - and 11 is a power number in Numerology - if that helps at all?

Also, 28-11 could also equal 10-11 and 28-1 could also equal 11! Very interesting! Definately a message there for you!

Namaste

Akindra

Hi Akindra,

I did see this "partner" in Puttaparthi, but the word meeting may be too big for it. Baba has letting me know about him, but eventually my faith is wavering, because of the circumstances in my life and with Siddartha. We never had real contact, i was just seeïng him. One time when i tried to talk to him during my first trip, he said something that i couldn't hear and he walked away. I may tell more about this in the future from documents. By the way, the brother of my old neighbour in Puttaparthi had a predictable message about me. When my neighbour was talking with him about me (on the phone i think), he said that i would found a partner in february or march and that i would be happy then. When my neighbour told it to me, she also said to not take it serious (probably in a way like not too much looking forward for it, but calmly wait and see what happens). Well, at least it can't be anyone else than Siddartha.
See you

Well it will be interesting to see what pans out.

I believe people who predict things see one possible outcome (since all outcomes are there for the picking and are all happening in alternative dimensions). So I feel it depends on whether you are up to it and whether you choose to have that manifest.

One thing I would say is that the bit you wrote about them saying that once you finding your partner you would be happy then - just remember that you don't need anyone to be happy. And to be truly happy with a partner, you need to be happy with yourself.

It is all love, love yourself, love your partner, love your enemies. Love everything and love will come to you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Akindra

Hi Olga,

I definitely relate to what you're saying about having this magical experience and then it appearing to go away. Firstly, I've noticed that once we open to more, we are then asked to integrate that into life so we can have that all the time. If it's always completely overwhelming then we can't function with it, so integrating it is a natural and important part of the process.

The reason that we didn't have it all the time before was because of some way we were resisting life or feeling we needed to protect ourselves from life. I find that allowing those feelings to be there, even if they hurt, can allow them to unwind. Just because there are painful thoughts or ideas doesn't make them true.

In fact, the idea that "the experience is not there anymore" plays a big part in separating you from the experience. If you can remember back to what the experience was (and obviously you can or else you wouldn't even know to miss it), then you can recognize that the experience is still IN you, but it's just too quiet to be able to fully appreciate. Nonetheless, having your attention on that should allow it to get clearer, and any resistance or pain that comes up in response can just be innocently allowed to be felt so that it can resolve.

Does that make sense? Is that helpful?

Hi Light Mystic,

Maybe i'm not sure what to reply now, but i have been able again to write about my experience(s) on my laptop. I have several documents and when i know about the word "unhygienical", then that document will also be finished, the document about my inner change in 2004. In some way apparently it seems good for me to continue with this. And a new possible view about the meaning of a dream may help me further. I realised that a person in a dream with Sai Baba in 2006 may symbolise Sarveswara. Earlier i was thinking of another woman to be this person, but now i would say Sarveswara would fit more in the role of that person. Another point is that the birthdate of that other woman is like Sarveswara's, on December 31. Only Sarveswara is physically 1 year younger i think. This eventually may also mean that i will come back to Puttaparthi and meet Sarveswara there. Maybe later i will go into more details with her about this.

Well, what a dream. Sarveswara originally met Sai in a dream!